Rethinking Relationships: How to Build Connections That Support Who You’re Becoming

by Dr. LaSonya Lopez, MD

December 23, 2024

We live in a world that celebrates the “day ones”—those friends and connections who’ve been with us through everything. But what happens when your goals shift, your ambitions grow, and you find yourself on a different path? Sometimes, we cling to relationships out of loyalty, even when they no longer reflect where we’re headed. But here’s the reality: personal evolution often requires evolving relationships. And building connections that align with your new goals doesn’t mean leaving people behind; it’s about creating a network that fuels, inspires, and supports the person you’re becoming.

The truth is, many of us outgrow the relationships that once felt foundational, especially when we’re actively working toward a new career, a different lifestyle, or a major personal transformation. The concept of “rethinking relationships” isn’t about discarding old connections; it’s about making space for those who align with your values, ambitions, and dreams as they exist now. Here’s how to make that shift in a way that’s authentic, intentional, and reflective of the future you’re working toward.

Why Relationship Audits Are the New “Self-Care”

It’s time to see relationships the way we see any part of life—something that grows, shifts, and evolves with us. We’ve become accustomed to auditing our wardrobes, our social media feeds, and even our morning routines. Why shouldn’t we do the same with relationships? Conducting a “relationship audit” might sound cold, but it’s one of the most empowering moves you can make. It’s about identifying the people who lift you up and the ones who might be unconsciously holding you back.

Here’s what a relationship audit could look like:

1. Reflect on Current Connections: Who are the people you feel inspired, uplifted, or supported by? These are the connections that feel aligned.

2. Check for Energy Drains: Who drains your energy, or makes you feel less motivated or understood? Identify the relationships that add stress or make you feel stuck in old patterns.

3. Identify Gaps: Are there certain types of people missing in your life? Maybe you want more mentors, accountability partners, or creative thinkers. Recognizing these gaps can help you seek out people who complement where you’re headed.

This isn’t about labeling friends as “good” or “bad”; it’s about assessing how your energy shifts around certain people and being honest about how each connection impacts your growth.

Embracing “Purpose-Driven” Connections

Forget about quantity—when it comes to relationships that align with your goals, purpose-driven connections are where it’s at. Purpose-driven doesn’t mean transactional; it means you’re building relationships that are mutually supportive, meaningful, and aligned with your current goals and values. Think of these connections as people who want to see you win just as much as you want to see them succeed.

Purpose-driven relationships offer:

• Shared Motivation: There’s a level of drive that can be contagious when you’re around people who are also passionate about their goals. When you’re on the same wavelength, inspiration flows naturally.

• Constructive Feedback: Purpose-driven connections give you honest feedback that’s meant to help, not hurt. They’re the ones who’ll call you out, challenge you, and support you in growing—even if it’s uncomfortable.

• Emotional Investment: These are people who genuinely care about your journey. They don’t just want to know the highlights; they’re invested in your process, your setbacks, and your wins.

Making Room for New Connections That Match Your Growth

When we’re stepping into new roles, goals, or chapters in life, we often think we need to “network” to find people who fit the mold. But this isn’t about “networking” in the traditional sense; it’s about building a network that’s authentic and deeply connected to who you are and what you want to achieve. Here’s how to shift toward new connections in a way that feels organic and meaningful:

1. Show Up in Spaces That Reflect Your Interests: Whether it’s a new creative hobby, a professional association, or an online community, spending time in spaces that reflect your goals naturally connects you with people who share similar interests.

2. Invest in Curiosity Over Formality: Don’t get caught up in trying to impress new people or adhere to social norms. Instead, be curious about them. Ask genuine questions, share your goals, and connect through shared interests, not forced networking formalities.

3. Build Accountability Circles: An accountability circle is a small group of people with similar goals who check in regularly and provide mutual support. This can be as formal or informal as you want, but it’s one of the best ways to create intentional relationships based on shared ambition and commitment.

4. Connect With Mentors, Not Role Models: Role models are people you admire from afar, but mentors are the ones who walk alongside you. Finding mentors who align with your values and who can offer guidance in your growth areas is invaluable. Seek out people who inspire you but are also willing to have real, honest conversations with you.

Letting Go of Relationships That No Longer Serve You (Without the Guilt)

The hardest part of rethinking relationships is knowing when to let go of those that no longer support your growth. This isn’t about ghosting or cutting people off abruptly; it’s about shifting the relationship dynamic so it aligns with the person you’re becoming. Here’s how to approach this process with respect and intention:

• Distance Gradually, Not Abruptly: Start by gently reducing the frequency of contact, and let the relationship fade at its natural pace. This approach avoids unnecessary drama and gives both of you space to focus on relationships that support where you’re headed.

• Shift the Conversation Focus: If you want to maintain the connection but it’s no longer fulfilling, try steering conversations toward mutual topics of interest. This helps you stay connected without forcing discussions that might feel outdated or disconnected.

• Express Gratitude: Letting go doesn’t mean erasing what you shared. Be open about how much you value the relationship and how it shaped who you are. Acknowledging the positive elements of a connection is a great way to let it evolve with grace.

Normalize Evolving Relationships and Celebrating Each Other’s Growth

The truth is, not everyone will grow at the same pace or in the same direction, and that’s okay. Some people will naturally fade out of your life as your goals shift, while others may surprise you by growing alongside you. The key is to honor your path and theirs, without expecting every relationship to fit neatly into your new chapter. Normalize the idea that friendships and connections evolve, and celebrate each other’s growth—even if it leads you down different paths.

Building a Future With a Network That Feels Like Home

Imagine your network as a home. Some people come into your life like roommates—they’re there for a specific phase, and that’s okay. Others are like family, deeply integrated into your life no matter where you’re headed. By actively cultivating relationships that support your goals, you’re creating a “home” that feels supportive, nurturing, and aligned with your evolution.

The most successful, fulfilled people are the ones who don’t just build businesses, careers, or followings—they build networks that grow with them. They create circles of people who understand their journey, support their dreams, and remind them of who they are when things get tough.

So, as you step forward, give yourself permission to rethink your relationships. Make space for the connections that empower you, guide you, and bring out your best self. And remember, building a life aligned with your new goals doesn’t mean letting go of where you came from; it means staying true to where you’re going.